My quest for The Xbox 360

It all started several weeks ago when I was informed that the Xbox 360 I had pre-ordered was not coming as promised. I was to be put on a waiting list until after the holidays. This would not do. I hollered at this jerk for giving me such horrible information. He told me not to shoot the messenger. I told him fine and that I would wait until the second shipment to come in. Little does he know I'll be writing a letter to the CEO of Gamestop and I'll have his job before he knows it. Mwua ha ha ha ha ha!!! Thus began my quest for the sacred Xbox 360 for it holds the power of ultimate gaming to those who have it in their grasp.

Thursday November 24th at 6 am I pulled into the parking lot of Best Buy. What I saw left me rather perplexed. There were not one, not two, but many people waiting for the store to open. It wasn't even black Friday yet. How could these fools have known my plan? Perhaps it is a plot by that accursed Mungu. Something tells me a part of him is hiding deep inside and conspiring to defeat me. Nevertheless I waited for the store to open. More and more people began to show up, I began to grow anxious. When they opened the door (after I repeatedly banged on it screaming for them to open) I ran as fast as I possibly could to the video game section. When I was about halfway to my destination I slipped on a banana peel one of the slobbish stock workers must have left and slid ten feet until I crashed through a stack of blank videotapes. As I tried to get back to my feet I was trampled by the crowd behind me. First my hand was stepped on, then my legs, then my head. I howled in agony but none seemed to notice or care. By the time I'd made it over there they were all gone. I left the store empty handed and my head hung low.

After a week of searching every game store in the tristate area I resorted to going onto the internet to purchase one. I went onto ebay and began bidding. The bidding began on Friday December 2nd. I sat in front of my computer unbathed for the entire duration of the auction. All I had to eat was peach flavored All Fruit and a box of saltine crackers. I munched furiously as I savagely outbid user after user. When Tuesday rolled around I did the impossible. I won the auction. The last minute was intense. Duku129 kept trying to outbid me and was intent on derailing my train to the ultimate in gaming experience. I took care of him though. In my time studying to be a computer programmer I invented what is known as the Q virus. I named it after my favorite Star Trek: The Next Generation character. I sent an email to him entitled "Spoilers for Star Wars Episode 7". Either he decided that $4,000 was too much to spend on a video game system or his computer was infected by Q. I roared with triumph when the auction had ended and my hand was raised in victory. I chuckled heartily to myself thinking that right now Duku129 was probably staring into a screen that showed Q laughing at him. How dare he try to outbid me.

After promptly paying using my paypal account I wrote an email demanding that it be sent overnight. The seller wrote back to me stating that the auction had stated it would be sent UPS ground only. I waited all week for it to come. I emailed the seller several times until I received a tracking number. I kept a close eye on the package and made sure that there was no dilly dallying. The package finally arrived today. After inspecting it I opened the box and took out the console. I threw away the instructions for I am no novice at hooking up a game system. I popped in Call of Duty 2 and began playing. After 5 hours of playing the system shut off. I couldn't believe it. I went to turn it back on but when my hand came in contact with the console I was burned. I cried out clutching my burned hand. I found a black glove and put it on. I felt closer to Luke Skywalker than I'd ever felt before. My hand already hurt enough from banging on the counter of every game store in the tristate area but now I wouldn't even be able to practice my guitar (which I haven't touched in weeks but that's beside the point). I left the seller negative feedback for slow shipping and glitches in the system.

I kept trying to get the system to work. It would work for about 5 minutes then the problem would repeat. I sobbed into my good hand feeling more helpless than ever. Then the phone rang. It was Andy. He wanted to wish me a happy holiday. "Baaaaa Humbug!!!" I yelled and immediately hung up. Yes ba humbug. Ba fucking humbug.